thinking about my team is abit scary... we chatted all the way from night time 8pm till 6 am in new york hotel and can actually spend the whole 10 hours drinking.... but slowly of course ... think i should go repent when i'm back in singapore .... this trip actually bought 2 pairs of walkies from radio shack, a stall in states selling those gadget stuffs and those kind of practical and not to expensive toys .... haha man's toys ... not sex toys of course ... i find very often guys like this kind of things... anyway it cost me only 21 us dollars and the walkie have a radio radius of 3 miles or 4.8 plus km. pretty fun for overseas use and of course if talking about family trip, it will be even nicer to have them ....

anyway now i'm departing new york and am in the bus already... so i guess next new york for me will be at least end of this year or next year.. but of course i hope the more the better . though tiring but it's good money for me ..hee ... this trip had spent alot less than other trips because we never go out to shop or buy anything other than food and my walkies....  signing off now ... terrence in new york city....

hey hey in new york again ... it's like 4.41pm now !!! so good this flight i don't feel any jet lag... maybe because when i suppose to depart from frankfurt, i only slept for 2 over hours. so when touched down, i went out for lunch with a group of over 11 people and then went for a walk in a group of 4 people.

there after i split from the group of 3 girls and went alone walking around.... went to the empire state building... but didn't go up.... never have any chance to visit or go any place to sight see. cause don't have any kaki this time round... so sad ... now sitting in the lobby updating my website... hehe .. for the past few days had been having drinking session with my new team in our rooms ... drank till like from last night 11pm till this morning 7 am .... my godness. all of us were intoxicated with too much alcohol... but still ok to go back to our own rooms ... haha...

so sad ... this trip didn't get to do any sight seeing .... i've yet to go to the statue of liberty yet !! arghh ... i wanna go there... but no chance so far... my last trip weather is so bad ... now this trip, now kaki to go ... :( think maybe must wait for my next trip already ...

boring when there's no programs or no where to go ... important is kakis ... sighz .... anyway my poor team girl sherina gotta be working back one day earlier ... due to the standby we have in new york, she was being called up to do the flight back a day earlier... if she's not going back a day earlier, maybe we could have went sight seeing already. actually planned to go statue of liberty. now it seems like poor her gotta work back one day earlier ...

just woke up and 4 pm. yesterday did a madras turn around from last night  from 1800 hours to this morning 8 am then reach home ... it's around 13 hours of work overnight ... and actually wanted to go for the "superstar" audition by channelu one ... but i was too tired to wake up .... so sad .... when i woke up it's already 4 pm .... mentally depressed and physically tired .... when can i get out of this routine of work.... irregular work hours ... irregular off days .... i'm already trying very hard to work hard...

think i shall isolate myself from outside world or refrain from going out.... once i reach singapore or touch down in singapore, i shall just stay at home to practice my songs and write new songs....

time is so limited for me ... and it just passes so fast ...

on the way from hotel to airport ... after seeing the sakura at the nagoya palace last night, went back to nearby hotel for makan before going back to the hotel to play games and relax. during my last paris flight, finally went to the eiffel tower to see the day time eiffel !! because the last time i went was the night one... lucky got company this time to see go sight seeing... i'm the tour guide this time .... 

during my 2 days off from my paris flight, was actually resting at home. collected my uniform. and helped my buddy fixed his pc ... spent time doing everything in 2 days off that i had.  i even managed to clean the house with my younger brother. because my house is just too dirty... for the past 2 months had not have proper cleaning already. now at least it's much more cleaner after vacumming...

very fast flights after flights... actually was doing some planning for the next 3 years.... still considering i might get out of the airline and do something new ... cause staying in the airline is really too relax and comfortable having this kind of life .... i'm ambitious ... and i'm tired of this kind of lifestyle that's i'm leading now ...

with my mum in this condition now and the limited time i have now ... i'm working hard to give my family a good life and working hard to update this website of mine.... at the same time trying my best to do whatever i can.... but where are the opportunities ? sighz .... time passes just so fast... after every flight i just felt so tired physically ...

it's the second day of my safety training. the day we took our tests on... thought i was going to fail my license. because the past few days it's really hectic at home.... day in day out was really busy with my mum and she haven't really recover.... but i have to go for flight on the 7th which is tomorrow... will be doing a flight to paris... and only coming back on the 11th .... but had discussed with my dad already... there isn't much things that we can really do about my mum's situation....

i made careless mistakes during my test ... but lucky i did check my answers again.... i can only afford to make 1 mistake in each section... and each section is very individual thing ....  once 1 section fail.. we'll have to resit the paper..anyway after i checked back. recovered the mistakes and almost scored full marks. ... only committed 1 mistake... lucky me ....

i was wondering... my mum is behaving this way... i threatened her that it'll be affecting my work and she was obviously much more better... she has to wake up herself up..... and gotta really take good care of herself ... i guess most probably is because she don't really do much housework... that made her too laid back and her mind idling .. keep saying that things are talking to her....

went to see a few chinese priest already. but they all said the same thing that she's just thinking too much .... ... well i guess she just gotta help herself up... one thing very funny is that she's still alert when it comes to financial stuffs. liked i told her i'll be transferring money to her account for jia yong .... she still will remind my father to ensure that the money i transferred it's inside ....

anyway i think the more concern we give her now the more she'll give us more insanity of hers ...

it had been like april already... and sometimes i realised that time passes very fast. it's again our chinese festival, ching ming. so call the tomb sweeping/visiting period of the year. for the past few days ever since i went to adelalei, i find that it's the worst australia station i ever go to... it's such a laid back city... can't really say it's a city... because it's too relax and other than students, it's all students that i see. it's the southern part of australia and there're lots of asian students in the state of south australia. most of them are there to study... there're students from malaysia, singapore, china, and mostly students from this 3 countries are the majority... went there for 3 days... but my heart and mind is in singapore...

well, back in singapore when i was back from bangkok holiday, things started to go wrong with my mum. i think most probably she's suffering from depression. so far, there had been no suicidal attempts or thoughts. just that she had called the police and told them that she want to die and want to talk to them... on the 28 march last month, i went out to chill out with my friend. and thereafter i was resting in the car because i was too tired. so i just parked my car along pie adam road area, on the road shoulder. but suddenly i recieved a call from my younger brother saying that my mum is downstairs. and he wasn't sure what she wants to do. i live on the 4th storey, but my mum happened to bring our house phone down and start calling the neighbour and told her that she wants to talk to her and demanded her to come down.. and told my neighbour off that if she don't come down, she's going to hack and damage her car...

when my brother told me this, my next thing on my mind was i better do rush back as soon as i can to see what went wrong with herr... i started my car and sped back home. running at 120 over km/hr. cleared my mind with my calm and coolness i rushed back to my carpark. when i was driving in, i saw her from 50 metres range that she's was actually standing in my carpark with the housephone, don't know doing what. so i went into the carpark, parked my car and went into her direction. she tried to hide behind the pillar but i spotted her too fast. went straight in her face, i asked her what she's doing downstairs with the housephone. she didn't answer me. but just denied anything.

when i brought her up back home... paramedics and police arrived shortly ... i woke my dad from bed and the police told us that she called them and say that she want to die .... but on medical point of view ... she had no suicidal thoughts....

i don't know why she did that... we asked her why, but she just said she did it just out of fun and boredom. my father, brother and me were liked (don't know what to say). very often at home and outside, our family cohesiveness is good and rapport between my parents and us were very close and well... from the photos in my gallery, i guess many could see that. but god knows what happened this time ....  so for the rest few days of my leave we spent time talking to her and bring her to see the chinese bomoh to see if she's possessed. but from many of them, they told us that she's fine and sound and just thinking too much...

wonder what's worrying her ... we were guessing and trying to analyze. after today, which is the 6th april morning, i find that actually she could just be over worried by things that she can do nothing about. which means things that doesn't concern her so much and of nothing she could do...

like my job.... my father's health and job... my younger brother's sch enrolment, her friend's problems ... often she like to put people's problem and make it her problem...throughout these days from my holiday return until today it had been like 9 days already... i believe partly because of the chinese qing ming festival that she could be thinking of her late father, my grandfather...

it's very hard to solve this kind of problems of "hers" i bet even the psychiatrists would have much help.... because she's fully alert of what's happening and very wary of things around her. but just getting overly suspicious of many things.... superstitious towards things. my father, brother and me had been treating her very very well and taking very good care of her. maybe one of the reasons could be that we had pampered her too much.... we did asked her if there's anything that she don't like about us. all the answers she gave was that she said we love her... but she doesn't know why she became and react this way.... keep mentioning about numbers 0-9 and alphabets. we provide her with good food, time and tender loving care to her.... but she still says she doesn't know what she wants .... but day after day she's seems slightly better... but recovering at a very very slow rate... most probably she's worried about her own health that she couldn't live long without a kidney... afraid of death maybe ?? i don't know ....

well since she's recovering day by day, i guess we had to try giving her work to do... coming back to be a full time housewife taking care of us.... we had taken care of most of the major housechores that she had became too too lazy to do anything else ... guess we should make her work what she should do as a wife and mother.... at times, i can really tear ... including my younger brother me and my father... we really feel so gek sim .... but as i say, things seems slightly better each day. think that's the best thing we can hope for ..... and these 2 days after my adl, i'm on course for license to fly to renew my documents to fly.... i'm really worn out ...  ...